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Forgiveness is a process not an event. The very thought of forgiving someone, because it is “the right thing, or best thing” to do, is not the process. Ultimately that is the goal after the layers of forgiveness have been released and revealed. The whole gift to forgiveness is POWER. Once you are able to truly forgive someone or yourself for a wrong doing upon yourself, you then take back all the POWER enabling you to move forward . The peace of mind and joy of forgiveness holds more value than any act, forgivable or not, committed by another person. Wherever you go, you carry yourself with you. If your emotional state is full of anger, frustration, hurt or resentment, and you do not allow yourself to unveil the reasons why, your emotional state becomes WHO YOU ARE. ” I am the sum total of my experiences, and the meaning I make of those experiences.”

Whatever resentments or hurt you are hanging onto, those are the very things that are causing you continual pain. The continual pain can be looked at as the POWER the other has over you. When you release those emotions and take back your power, it allows you to be in total control of your own well being, rather than living at the other end of another persons mistakes. At this point, you call the issues exactly what they are, regardless if the other person is able to acknowledge the situation. You could kinda say that “Forgiveness is the ultimate revenge”1, without causing any hurt or pain to yourself or the other. 

Allowing yourself to be removed from that internal pain or sorrow, allows us to get out whole and intact. Learning from the very experience, realizing that this was present in your life for a soul purpose and reason. Once we start acting in our own self-interest, we instantly release the other person from having to change so we can feel better. Accepting them for everything they are, and for everything they are not. The things that are not, is not about you, that is who they are. What it is about, is accepting what is in perfect alignment with our desires and needs. Giving ourself permission to feel better on our own.

So many of us, can not forgive ourselves, We hold things against ourselves so much that it literally undermines our well being, our health and our happiness. WHO does this really benefit?  There is a profound difference between accepting and being accountable for our actions and for self sabotaging our very being by beating ourselves up inside for something that FORGIVENESS can resolve. Taking responsibility for our doings is the a great mature way to live, condemning ourselves and beating self up, serves no one. The important thing to remember is taking responsibility. Each one of us designs our own life. When we blame others for our misery, we are giving away our power to “them”. However, when we react to a situation, it is “we” who react. “They” don’t force us to react. The ability to respond is ours. Thus, if we take the responsibility for our ability to respond, then, when we react, it is our conscious decision to do so and not an automatic reaction.

Forgiving does not mean accepting. The act of forgiveness takes place in our mind. It has nothing to do with “them”. In a way, forgiveness is a selfish act as it benefits us by setting us free from the pain. It simply means releasing the negative energy that we have been holding on to.

Ultimately, forgiveness is a choice between remaining stuck in the past and moving ahead toward a fulfilling life.

Forgiving, is work….deep emotional work and exactly why it is worth investigating. If we are committed to living a life we love , full of peace, happiness, and joy then the first step is processing our internal ailments. This may require working with a coach that will help us understand our resentments, and reframing those situations with the positive meaning they hold. With every single situation, we can make it a positive or negative experience. Through this work, a person will gain a deeper connection with self, and understanding of how we hold onto things and how we relate to others. More importantly, it allows us to get connected with self-love. 

When I love myself, I do not want to do things that will hurt myself or another person. For when I do something to another that hurts them, ultimately I am hurting myself.  Not all things are within our control, the one powerful gift and tool that is, is FORGIVENESS. We do not have control of who may and when another may hurt us, and we have all the say as to how we react to getting hurt and how we will deal with that hurt against ourselves or another. 

The overall joy in life and relationships is the motivation of Forgiveness. This very desire, motivates us to confront and move beyond our own inner blocks, so we can be living our life on our terms. 

“The mind, emotions and spirit were meant to function together. And forgiveness is no exception; it, too, is meant to balance and counterbalance other internal states. The kind of forgiveness that comes from the heart, that taps into the wisdom and depth of unseen realms, that is born with a sincere wish to understand and grow, that kind that is humble and recognizes that none of us is perfect, this is the kind of FORGIVENESS that does work. It is the kind of healing that restores inner peace and grows soul.” 2

Since we know that two emotions or two thoughts cannot occupy the mind simultaneously, it is easy to understand that when you  entertain bitter thoughts, happy thoughts cannot find a place in your mind. 

If you are following a self development program and find that you are not making any progress, it simply means that you are probably still holding on to some memories of the past. You have to let go, forgive and move on. Learn your lessons from the past but don’t let your past become your future.

We cannot employ any self development program in the past. We can live only in the present, here and now. So discard the garbage of the past and design your life in the present. Forgiveness affirmations will help you do so.

Quotes and Sources 

1. Josh Billings

2. Dayton Ph.D.

3. Gail Vilcu

4. Self development